Thursday, August 24, 2017

4 Ways Communication Can Improve Your Sex Life

Talking about sex, in general, is still considered taboo to most people. Bringing kink and desires into the conversation can make it even more uncomfortable. Talking to your partner about what you like or want to try in bed can be strange and difficult. But not talking about what you want can cause problems in other parts of your relationship as well.

For example, if you spend a lot of time reading DD/lg erotica and enjoy fantasizing about calling your partner "daddy" during sex, but are hesitant to bring it up, this may be because you feel they will shame you for being into something that society says is "taboo." Not talking to them about this and feeling that they will shame you can cause you to hide other parts of your personality from them and you may start to resent them for not creating a safe place to talk about your kinks.

What do you like?

If you are trying to be a better lover, you should start by asking this question, if you haven't already. Not only should you ask your partner what they are into, but you should also share what you're into as well. Knowing what your partner is into will help you to start your journey into being a better lover. You find that they want more oral sex or foreplay. Or they may surprise you and share that they are really interested in medical play!

If they don't know what they're into you can check out these two checklists [asibdsm limits list] [latches BDSM list] to help get you started. These lists include everything from handjobs to crucifixion. Remember to keep an open mind and don't judge or laugh at any kinks your partner shares with you. "Your kink is not my kink, but that is okay." PolyHubby has some things that he is into that I get no pleasure from, but since they cause me no harm, I occasionally indulge in them for him.

Do you like that?

After you and your partner figure out what you're into and you start to explore these new sexual outlets, be sure to stop and ask if they like it. Checking up on if they are enjoying themselves will open the floor to discussion about if they are into as much as they thought they would be or if they had something different in mind.

An example, if you and your partner have agreed to try a little more teeth with oral sex, try grazing your teeth along the shaft of their penis. If they don't react visually or audibly, take a break and ask if they liked it. They may respond with one or two words, or they might suggest you try it on the head of their penis! Keep communication going when you are trying new things in the bedroom!

What can I do to please you?

Sometimes my partner's hands feel like sandpaper on my clit, while other times it feels like silk gliding across my labia. When I find their fingertips to be too abrasive, I express that it is uncomfortable. Usually, they follow up with "what can I do to make you feel good?" I'll suggest oral or that we use a toy. Other times PolyHubby and I will be in the middle of sex, and he will ask me what I want. In other words, what can I do to please you?

Asking what you can do to please your partner opens the door for them to tell you what they are feeling that moment. You may find they are feeling submissive and want to be tied up and teased or that they are enjoying what you're already doing. This is also a great time to express what you want!

I like it when you ____.

I find myself using this one a lot. "I like it when you make the "C" shape on my clit," "I like it when you throw my legs over your shoulder," "I like it when you call me a bad girl and spank me." This can open the conversation to talk about what you and your partner enjoy, or you can use it as a gateway to dirty talk in the heat of the moment.

If you're finding that you have a hard time expressing what you like, send it in a text when sexting or talking about sex. It can feel strange, at first, to openly express that you like something your partner does, but it helps to encourage them to do it more.

It can be difficult to open the conversation about your kinks and things you want to try, but it can make your sex life much more fulfilling and you may discover that your partner shares some of your same interests! Try using some of these questions and phrases to get the discussion going and above all, have fun.

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